


Things to Do In London by John H. Watson and Sometimes Sherlock Holmes

by AtlinMerrick



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Things John and Sherlock recommend that you do in London, each chapter stands alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlinMerrick/pseuds/AtlinMerrick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Real, sometimes ridiculously strange, things you can do in London, as told from John or Sherlock's perspectives. (Comments you leave for the boys may find their way into future chapters!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A River Runs Through It

**Author's Note:**

> *Psssst!* Be sure to read the comments in this series as there are plenty of suggestions and links for thinks to do in London!

All right, after visiting a fantastic, fusty old museum with a python skeleton and a giant glass jar full of ginger-haired moles, I've decided to finally answer the question I get on this blog even more often than 'Really? Did Sherlock _really_ do that?'

And that question is this: Is there anything interesting to do in London?

In a city of nearly nine million, the answer is obviously yes, but I know the choices can be overwhelming. So, when I have time between our cases, I'll write up not only the ordinary wonders I love about this city, but also the byzantine and the bizarre we see in our work. Sherlock promises me he'll pop in with an entry now and again, too.

Shall we begin?

_* A River Runs Through It_

For me the Thames is London's heart. More than two hundred miles long, the river is a sinuous ribbon running through the city and out into the sea. Chilly and silty and flowing along a chalk reservoir, the river is guarded by [a beautiful barrier](http://66.media.tumblr.com/f5cbb0f11075316c3f3e054893738e5e/tumblr_o96qvq3BRc1qja1bno2_1280.jpg) which is well worth seeing.

Now, I've run along the Thames shore after a purse snatcher (got him!), strolled under its piers hand-in-hand with Sherlock, I once even dived into its brown depths after a velvet bag full of jewels, but my favourite thing to do is stand on Waterloo Bridge, and take in the beauty of the river from there. The views of Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament, and St. Paul's Cathedral are picture-perfect.

Whatever you do, though, don't ever, ever, and I mean _ever_ hint that you want to jump from the bridge and onto a passing tourist boat. If you do that, if you do that _again,_ I will first have proper heart failure and then I will come back from the dead and smite you so hard your hair will go straight. Do you hear me Sherlock Holmes?

_Do you hear me?_

* COMMENTS (10)

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Being as you were half-yelling at your laptop just now, yes, I heard you John Watson. And if I were the tiresomely pedantic type, I'd remind you that I did _not_ jump from the bridge and onto the quite-accessible tourist boat, I only _said_ that jumping would make it easier to catch the criminal in question. Ease I had to forego when you tackled me to the pavement and sat on my legs.

GREG LESTRADE: This is a great idea John, I love it! I'm always after ideas for friends when they visit London, now I'll just point them here. Oh, and now I understand how Sherlock ended up with those bruises after the Billie Piccino case. You don't know your own strength John!

SHERLOCK HOLMES: As always, you see but you do not observe, Detective Inspector. Those bruises were on my _neck_ and came later, after the case was successfully closed. ;-)

JOHN WATSON: That's enough Sherlock.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: I'm sure I don't know what you mean John.

GREG LESTRADE: Did you just emoticon at me Sherlock?

JOHN WATSON: Do not test me mister.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: I barely said anything!

THE RANDOMEER: Oh I like this! And now I have a question for you Dr. W: From a point of view as an American, one of the famous tourist spots in London would have to be the London Eye. But seeing as you live in London, do you still have the same awe and wonder about the giant wheel?

GREG LESTRADE: I'm serious Sherlock, did you just _emoticon_ at me?

_This wee series is going to be about real things you can do in London, but as seen from John or Sherlock's perspectives. Prompt me. Or leave a comment for John with ideas for things to do or comments on posts he's made and I'll try and use them in future chapters. By the way, it's fantastic to watch[a planned closure of the Thames Barrier](https://www.gov.uk/guidance/the-thames-barrier#forthcoming-scheduled-closures%20), which they do once a month—schedule it in! P.S. I have Apliddell's wonderful [The Only One in the World; I Invented the Job](http://archiveofourown.org/works/691284/chapters/1270251) to thank for this blog/comments format. Read the story, it's wonderful!_


	2. The Eye Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein John gives his thoughts on the London Eye, Sherlock gives his thoughts on jealousy, alcoholic ice pops, and John's creamy flesh, and bickering is had in the comments.

First, I never expected how many of you would enjoy Sherlock's and my thoughts on things to do in London! Your enthusiastic response included over a hundred private emails, which is probably more than I've received all year. Oh, and to the person who asked, don't worry, Sherlock's made a _big_ point of not being jealous at _all!_

So, let's get right to the question posed by Randomeer, who asked how Sherlock and I feel about the "giant wheel" known as the London Eye.

I'm sure most of you know that the [Eye sits at the edge of the River Thames](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d6/London-Eye-2009.JPG) and that it was meant to be a temporary Millennial installation when it opened 31 December 1999.

Yet quite quickly, what so many at first dubbed an eyesore, became instead a treasured London landmark. Now in its sixteenth year, the Eye continues to receive nearly four million visitors and to take a leisurely thirty minutes to make a full rotation. Though I can't speak for Sherlock, Randomeer, I find the Eye rather over-priced, over-slow, and over-crowded but you know what? I love the view from the top, looking out over our gorgeous city.

You really see London from that near vantage, just-high-enough that the city feels touchable. That's why I'd recommend the Eye over other, much loftier viewpoints like the [Shard](http://www.theviewfromtheshard.com/en/tickets-packages/) (expensive) or the Sky Garden (free).

Though, if you can, I do also highly recommend going up to the [Sky Garden](http://skygarden.london/sky-garden). Pick a time when the sun's shining and you can have a refreshing champagne ice pop!

**Sherlock Holmes Here**

First, I would never call it _jealousy,_ John. Mine is a justifiable suspicion of the motivations of others and my snooping through your emails is merely a sensible gathering of intel. A soldier understands intel, yes?

Also, by reading your emails—Sherl0ckLoveYouAreADickAndATwat is your best password yet, took me nearly ten minutes to crack it—I see that you have again gained an admirer. Might I ask who is this 221b_hound person, and why do they think that your flesh is 'soft and creamy'?

Second, you mention the Sky Garden's _ice pops_ but not that intriguing case we had last month with the lovelorn barista and the brace of Bumblebee Poison Dart Frogs she released into the garden's hot house trees.

You know, if I needed a CV to do what I do—and I don't—I would certainly have added a few lines after that excellent case, including something like _Mr. Holmes is capable of deducing hiding spots of toxic fauna,_ and of course _Mr. Holmes can sex juvenile dart frogs at a glance._

Though I admit the alcohol ice pops are rather a revelation. When you have enough of them John, they also make you very willing to allow access to your…soft and creamy flesh.

(Take _that_ 221b_hound, whoever you are.)

* COMMENTS (12)

JOHN WATSON: How on earth did this blog post turn into a bicker…no, you know what? Never mind.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Oh, this little entry reminds me John! The herpetologist promised us half a dozen of those Dendrobates leucomelas we rescued from the gardens, did she ever call?

MOLLY HOOPER: We went to the Barrier John! It was gorgeous but windy. I was freezing. Greg gave me his jacket. I gave him my scarf!

JOHN WATSON: Ha ha Sherlock. If you think you're bringing _moving_ poisons into our home, instead of the usual kind that just sit there, you have another think coming, we are not frog wranglers. Hi Molly, glad you and Greg had a good time!

KAMERER220: Dear Doctor Watson, love the blog, so witty! I am a total foodie, where should I go eat to get a real taste of London?

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Am I allowed to have anything fun John, or do you want me to just sit in a corner with a pair of blunt scissors?

LADY LARAN: Love these Dr. Watson! Any other locations that might pique the interest for those who prefer the non-mainstream? P.S. I hope future cases are brilliant enough to keep your flatmate from shooting walls again!

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Dear Lady Laran, as regards shooting walls, if you knew how many outright lies John Hamish Watson includes in his blog posts about me to "add drama and colour" it would turn your hair white.

KOSTIA: Hi John, I've read that you can take guided tours along the Thames to dig up pottery from hundreds of years of rubbish being thrown in. Have you and Sherlock done that?

JOHN WATSON: Sherlock Holmes you best put away those blunt scissors and hide that fundament of yours; I'm about to come find you and give you a piece of my mind. (Everyone else: Hope to answer your questions next time!)

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Oh by all means, bring it on, John. Bring. It. On. ;-)

GREG LESTRADE: Did you see that? Did everyone see the emoticon?

_First, thank you all who left comments for John and Sherlock. They asked me to mention they'll need to tweak questions for length and they'll try to answer as many as they can, so don't forget to leave your thoughts for them! Also ~~I am~~ they are super surprised how interested everyone was in this and ~~I feel~~ they feel all warm and fuzzy! (P.S. I adore [221b_hound](http://archiveofourown.org/users/221b_hound/pseuds/221b_hound) and so does Sherlock!) (Oh, and also do read the comments on this series as there are often many suggestions and links for things to do in London!)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, thank you to everyone who's expressed interest in or reviewed ["The Day They Met" and "The Night They Met,](http://atlinmerrick.tumblr.com/post/138889209609/wait-what-could-these-be-my-two-books-of-other)" you make it possible for me to continue to write more books!


	3. Non-Mainstream Entertainments Sherlock Holmes Recommends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Sherlock Holmes writes this journal the way he thinks it should be done. With clarity and absolutely no exaggeration. Because exaggeration is ten _thousand_ times more annoying even than dim criminals.
> 
> And another thing—

Since John's busy charming the staff at the London Library—they won't let me in since I borrowed a few "unborrowables"—I'll be writing today's entry.

Though John favours idiom for his blog titles, hence _A River Runs Through It_ for a post about the Thames and _The Eye Has It_ for one about the London Eye, I believe in clarity, ergo today's far more informative heading. I hope it suits Lady Laran, Mort_Rouge_1895, Lordtoddwadley, and the others whose questions I'll be answering.

**Things to Do in London That Would Turn Your Granny's Hair White**

Actually, my grandmother would enjoy most of the things I'll mention here, so I don't know why I wrote that. I'll just go ahead and blame John's hyperbolic influence. Speaking of which, does anyone have tips on how to inoculate yourself against someone else's tendency toward exaggeration? As you can see, I apparently quite need to do that.

_* Odd London Museums_

If you like body parts in spirits-filled jars I can not recommend [St. Bart's Pathology Museum](http://www.qmul.ac.uk/pathologymuseum/) highly enough. Full of human remains fraught with a wide range of pathologies, it's a grim but beautiful museum, airy and vast. It's open for frequent events and exhibits and well worth the ten pounds most such affairs cost.

The [Hunterian Museum](http://www.hunterianmuseum.org/) offers a large spirit collection as well, only their jarred specimens include a wider range of the animal kingdom. The museum is free and very slightly hard to find, so it's not as inclined to crowds as…

…the Natural History Museum. Also free, the NHM has a spirit collection to which they offer [behind-the-scenes tours](http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit/whats-on/search.html?event=spirit+collection+tour). John tells me the museum also has thousands of other things of interest, such as dinosaurs, spiders, minerals, gems, fossils and whatnot, but I'm going to have to take his word for it.

The [Grant Museum of Zoology](http://www.ucl.ac.uk/museums/zoology) is replete with wood paneling, skeletons, and spirits-filled jars, and it's the quietest of these four museums and also free. I find it's a good place to spend time while you wait for someone to finally finish charming librarians. I mean seriously John, how long does that take?

_* Mudlarking on the Thames_

Yes Kostia, [mudlarking along the Thames](http://www.walks.com/standalone/thames_beachcombing_%E2%80%93_mudlarking_on_the_thames/default.aspx#24721) is worth the effort. A civil engineering project in the 19th century narrowed the River Thames, using city rubbish and slaughterhouse offal to help reclaim the land. This is why you'll find ancient pipe stems along the Thames' rocky shore, Tudor pottery shards, and hundred-year-old slaughterhouse bones.

As a matter of fact I've often collected enough bones on afternoon strolls with John that I'm able to put together quite stunning pig-cow-dog skeletons. John says he still has nightmares about the last one but he's joking.

I think he's joking.

_* Foodie Heaven London is Not_

Don't come to London with dreams of high cuisine, Kamerer220. While you'll find a good fish pie at the Victoria & Albert cafe, and perfectly fine fare at the National Theatre's excellent ground floor cafe, I can't honestly say there's much in the way to eat here.

I may be the wrong person to ask.

* COMMENTS (12)

JOHN WATSON: Inoculate yourself against _someone else's_ tendency toward exaggeration? You? Inoculate _you?_ Is this the same man who texted me last night to say "the entirety of Scotland Yard is not _even_ as smart as an amoeba"? The same man who this morning told the barista to make his latte so hot "it removes the first layer of skin on my tongue"? _That_ man?

CHOCOLAMOUSSE: Sherlock, I thought you might enjoy [this project](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/06/20/spot-the-bee-scientists-release-hundreds-of-numbered-bees-in-lon/) since it involves bees, science, and London. You could use the reward money to buy a beautiful jumper to replace the last one of John's you burnt to ashes. Or a new fire extinguisher. To replace the last one you also burnt to ashes, yes.

GREG LESTRADE: Oh he was a right royal princess last night John, I tell you. He's lucky I didn't have one of those extra hot coffees on hand or he'd have had it in his _hair._

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Do we know you Chocolamousse? John, do we know this Chocolamousse person? How did they know about the jumpers and—never mind.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: Damn it, does anyone know how to delete comments on this thing?

JOHN WATSON: What did you burn this time Sherlock?

SHERLOCK HOLMES: NOTHING! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT PERSON.

HIPPIECHICK: Hello Dr. Watson & Mr. Holmes, I'm a geologist interested in locating buildings with fossils in the building materials (which you can often find in marble inside loos!). Any advice?

JOHN WATSON: By the way, it figures Sherlock would mention the bones but not the pottery shard one of our party found when we went mudlarking that time. The archeologist-tour guide insisted the shard was museum-worthy and worth £35,000! P.S. thanks for that mudlarking link Ancientreader!

SHERLOCK HOLMES: You know I wasn't including _you_ in that amoeba assessment detective inspector. You just happened to be standing near "detectives" Marucs, Fleet, and Ibjerwan when I said a few of those things.

1BUTTERFLY-GRL1: Hello gentlemen, do please share your thoughts on Piccadilly Circus and West End Theatre.

GREG LESTRADE: Did you just apologise to me Sherlock? Did he just apologise to me?

—

_First, I was recently asked if I've "left the fandom." Well, I do write _Star Wars_ stories now too, but 70% of what I publish is still Sherlock so please know: I'm here and here I stay. I'll have to be abducted by aliens before I leave what we've all made here. Thank you for that._

_Second, yes I went on a mudlarking walk where a man found a piece of pottery with a face molded on it and yes, the archeologist said it was worth over thirty thousand pounds. You're far more likely to find old pipe stems, pottery shards, and slaughterhouse bones, though. Also, while my Philistine palate is useless regarding London restaurants, Rpdnplstk makes up for my ignorance in[their comments below](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/69724966), do please read and thank you Rpdnplstk! As for the non-mainstream things to do [I've got a few more](http://wendycfries.com/post/116034851424/things-to-do-in-london-hello-this-is-just-a-few)._


End file.
